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-   -   What is your idea of the perfect poop? (http://forums.smnnews.com/showthread.php?t=251292)

Epidemic of Hate 05-17-2013 11:08 AM

What is your idea of the perfect poop?
 
I took one this morning, and it was one of those ones where, when you go to wipe, there's nothing to even get. Just squeezed out a solid torpedo, pulled my pants up, and walked out.

What are your best pooping experiences?

serocs 05-17-2013 11:37 AM

poop extra perfect (no need to wipe)

that's the best feeling ever. you should get awards for that

ChAAPY 05-17-2013 11:46 AM

ghost poos

Durpentine 05-17-2013 11:51 AM

Usually when I splatter the back of the bowl and it stains because the waterflow can't reach the shit mark.

De Profoundis 05-17-2013 12:23 PM

Nah, I like big continuous poos.

Vadge 05-17-2013 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epidemic of Hate (Post 3875332)
I took one this morning, and it was one of those ones where, when you go to wipe, there's nothing to even get. Just squeezed out a solid torpedo, pulled my pants up, and walked out.


As one of the very worst threadstarters and shitposters on this board, its interesting to note that you seem to shit the same way you start threads. Very existential. Even more interesting - you also described how your mother gave birth to you. This could very well be the only worthwhile thread you have ever made, or worthwhile thing you will ever do. Congratulations!

Epidemic of Hate 05-17-2013 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vadge (Post 3875343)
As one of the very worst threadstarters and shitposters on this board, its interesting to note that you seem to shit the same way you start threads. Very existential. Even more interesting - you also described how your mother gave birth to you. This could very well be the only worthwhile thread you have ever made, or worthwhile thing you will ever do. Congratulations!

My prostate feels tingly from your words of praise. The elation I am now feeling is truly incapable of being adequately expressed through words. Perhaps you will allow me to hug your penis with my mouth?

Durpentine 05-17-2013 05:32 PM

You guys ever push a turd out so thick that your butthole is numb after?

Epidemic of Hate 05-17-2013 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Durpentine (Post 3875368)
You guys ever push a cock out so thick that your butthole is numb after?

No, but it sound painful. No wonder you're always so bitter and stupid on this forum; I would be too if I had to deal with that all the time.
http://forums.smnnews.com/images/smilies/luke3.jpg

GEEsu5 05-17-2013 06:26 PM

one that is quick, and requires minimal wiping. i dont get how some people sit on the shitter for over 10 minutes, even close to a half hour while taking a dump.

SluseTheInventor 05-17-2013 06:40 PM

Large and clean, one solid piece. Little to no wiping required

Durpentine 05-17-2013 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Epidemic of Hate (Post 3875370)
I want Justice from TUI to bang my ass.


epitaph 05-18-2013 02:52 AM

You know the one that just feels good, especially if you have an itch

Cloaca 05-18-2013 10:18 AM

Nothing beats a ghost wipe, but what about those ones when you squeeze, think just a tiny bit has come out, take a look and the bowl's half full?

Also, dat feel when the S-bend steals your trophy

SLIT YOUR GUTZ 05-18-2013 10:28 AM

Whenever I can empty the poop shoot with relative ease it's a good day.


GUITAR SHREDDER 05-18-2013 03:43 PM

you stomach hurts.then you poop twice

emperadorXXIV 05-18-2013 03:58 PM

That feel when you're pushing the poop hard out your passage, then half-way down gravity takes over and then the bomb drops.

Durpentine 05-18-2013 05:43 PM

I'm sorry, everytime you post I have to look up bubble butt porn.

Epidemic of Hate 05-19-2013 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Durpentine (Post 3875495)
I have to look up porn.

With those charming ginger locks, your chiseled body, and those serenading pipes you got, it's a wonder that the ladies don't flock to you....

Durpentine 05-19-2013 04:46 PM

What the fuck is a ginger lock?

Epidemic of Hate 05-19-2013 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Durpentine (Post 3875580)
What the fuck is a ginger lock?

Oh, I dunno.....


lock
Noun

A mechanism for keeping a door, lid, etc., fastened, typically operated by a particular key or combination.
A piece of a person's hair that coils or hangs together: "she pushed back a lock of hair".

Durpentine 05-19-2013 09:59 PM

Then who the fuck are you talking to you dumbass faggot, i hven't had long hair in 4 years.

DrippingInsanity 05-19-2013 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GEEsu5 (Post 3875380)
i dont get how some people sit on the shitter for over 10 minutes, even close to a half hour while taking a dump.

I love those moments when no one is home or no one else is in the bathroom (when in public) and you just let time take its course for the poop to fully exit your bottom cavity. In terms of pooping at home when you live with someone, the bathroom is the only room in the house where it's unacceptable to just open the door to say something. This is why it's so nice to take a shit and simply relax for however long (for me, it's usually 10-15 minutes) to reflect on whatever is bothering you. In a way, shitting is a form of meditation and should be taken seriously.

Epidemic of Hate 05-20-2013 02:11 AM

My favorite kind of poop is when Durp posts. Messy, unfortunate, and (painfully) impossible not to notice.

Durpentine 05-20-2013 11:19 AM

I had beans, rice, potato salad and watermelon for dinner last night. So yeah.

Oh yeah, did you go edge yet? Faggot?

FTS 05-20-2013 12:14 PM

Best: after eating quinoa, falafel, or other assorted vegetables.
Worst: after eating a burrito with lots of beans.

Epidemic of Hate 05-20-2013 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Durpentine (Post 3875650)
I had beans, rice, potato salad and watermelon for dinner last night. So yeah.

Oh yeah, did you go edge yet? Faggot?

Speaking of regrettable, clearly that little high school "phase" of mine fits into that category of descriptions. lol

Durpentine 05-20-2013 12:18 PM

It's like, Flavor Flav's children came out of my asshole this morning (get it cause they were some really black turds).

discombobulation 05-20-2013 08:17 PM

Those times when you go and unload what seems like a months debt of perfectly formed BSC Type 4 shit in an efficient yet objectively lengthy session. Followed by a satisfyingly quirky sense of vacuous hollow emptiness within your abdominal cavity – you lift your cheeks from the seat a changed man, straddle out slightly bow legged in the best way possible.

Also +1 on the tempered, introspective defecation described by Drip, and the gravitational synergy of ze emperor. Clean wipes are just a bonus. Oh, and plops without splash contact – it's like playing russian roulette with fluid mechanics.

Epidemic of Hate 05-20-2013 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by discombobulation (Post 3875708)
Those times when you go and unload what seems like a months debt of perfectly formed BSC Type 4 shit in an efficient yet objectively lengthy session. Followed by a satisfyingly quirky sense of vacuous hollow emptiness within your abdominal cavity – you lift your cheeks from the seat a changed man, straddle out slightly bow legged in the best way possible.

Also +1 on the tempered, introspective defecation described by Drip, and the gravitational synergy of ze emperor. Clean wipes are just a bonus. Oh, and plops without splash contact – it's like playing russian roulette with fluid mechanics.

Very philosophical. A+ post


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