It's been a while since you had a good Shawn Story.

[Shawn]

Be prepared for a long one.

[Shawn]

So last night, I went over to a friend/ex of mine's (Samantha) for a party she was throwing. You may remember this girl from being the girl who both my friend and I dated. Anyway, things were going swimmingly, everyone was having a great time. Around 2:30am our mutual friend Cate asked me to give her a ride home, as I was the only one who hadn't drank in hours. I agreed, and said I wanted to leave ASAP though. She asked if she could finish her beer (she had like 3/4 a bottle of blue moon, so it was going to be a while).

Anyway, I went down to the basement to start saying my goodbyes. Most people were passed out on couches, and Samantha called from her room saying "I'm in here!", so I went in to say goodbye.

Anyway, this girl is a raging slut. Above and beyond the most slutty girl I've ever met in my life. She is also fucking crazy. When she fools around with people she likes to just be absolutely insane in ways that are completely indescribable.

Long story short, I'm mid blowjob, when she's like "I have to pee"
I'm like "uhh... okay... go pee?"
then she's like "you're staying right?"
to which I respond "not the night, but I'll wait till you come back"
so she gets up and I go sit on the bed waiting for her to go and come back, but as I sit on the bed, she comes over to me and starts blowing me again. I'm not one to decline a blowjob so I let her continue. She takes a couple sips and then says "I have to pee".
"so go fucking pee!"
"are you going to stay?"
"i'm not sleeping here, but I'll wait for you"
"okay i'll be right back"
and then she starts blowing me again.
She does this a number of times before she finally leaves the room (with my shoes on).

Now, this girl has some SERIOUS fucking issues, and every time I go over there, she does everything she possible can to not let me leave. As soon as I saw her with my shoes on I know I was screwed.

She leaves the room, and not 10 seconds later says "okay I'm back. You're staying, right?"
"again, no, I'm not staying, and actually, we've been at this for an hour and Cate is texting me. I promised her a ride home"

She starts going on about how Cate is an STD ridden whore (everyone Samantha knows is STD ridden and does a lot of coke. Not literally, just according to her).

And I go "okay, whatever, but I promised her a ride home, so I have to go, can I have my shoes?"
"not unless you're going to stay"

Again, she has a habit of stealing something of mine whenever I'm there so that I can't leave.

So we go back and forth with this and she tries grabbing my junk to distract me or whatever, and I tell her "i'm not fucking turned on any more, can I please leave?"

again, we keep going back and forth with this, when finally I say to her "give me my fucking shoes back. You're fucking insane. Oh my fucking god". And then she slaps me.

She's the kind of girl that thinks slapping someone is okay. She asked "what did you say",
I respond "i just want to leave, can I please have my shoes back?"
She slaps me again.
I respond "oh my fucking god you're crazy"
and she starts frantically punching me and grabbing me until finally her hand slips off my arm and she falls over. I hit the ground working on getting my shoes off her feet, which she is STILL fighting me over, while punching, clawing etc, while screaming "STOP HITTING ME SHAWN OH MY GOD STOP IT OW!" etc, doing her best to alert everyone at the party.

I finally get both of my shoes off her feet, scramble to grab my phone and jacket, and go toward her door. She managed to sneak in front of me and slam the door shut before I could leave, so instead of fighting her and ACTUALLY having to lay a finger on her, I go for the window.

I hop up on her bed, throw open the window, punch out the screen and start trying to dive out of it (to an awaiting crowd of people trying to see wtf was going on).

She grabs one hand on the back of my shirt, one hand on the pocket of my jeans and tries pulling me out. I manage to get out of the window wearing half a shirt and half a pair of jeans, thanks to a group of guys who helped me get out.

Of course all of the girls that were there then start shouting at me and shit, assuming I was trying to hit this bitch. I explain the jist of it to the guys who then quickly move all the cars out of the driveway that were behind mine and help me out to leave, while the girls at the party are throwing beer bottles and shit at me, while Samantha is now outside screaming hysterically about how much it hurts and how she doesn't know why I hit her and I think she started accusing me of rape and shit.

I speed away in to the sunrise, bloody, bruised, and wearing half of my clothes.

[Shawn]

I finally get home to a few of her texts, telling me she's sorry, and she was just trying to get fucked.


TL:DR - Mass insanity, got my ass beat by a girl who was just trying to get fucked, apparently.

[Darcangelo]

..why so sexy?

[Obswalq]

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[prayer]

Shawn, why didn't u just hit it then?

[Tckt15]

there is literally no way im ever reading that whole thing

[Pwnsauce]

[Obswalq]

[mcweezlestein]

Originally Posted by Tckt15

there is literally no way im ever reading that whole thing

[teh Mazn]

Originally Posted by Tckt15

there is literally no way im ever reading that whole thing

[Shawn]

Not a single tag was made that day.

[ceddeeoo]

this didn't happen but it could have been avoided if you had not let her put your shoes on

[Shawn]

Obviously didn't realize she did until it was too late.

[siegewar]

cedric read it

[Shawn]

Danger Frist likes this.

[Savior]

Keep your shoes on, retard.

[Shauncore]

What shitty material were you wearing that she was able to rip both your pants and shirt in half? But the image of you trying to explain why you got beat up by a girl while half naked is entertaining though.

[Lynch]

haha. the last girl I dated for 2 months, would slap me so hard during sex, with no word, or anything. It was fucking annoying. Sometimes Ide slap back, but eventually I just fucked her doggy style so I wouldnt have to put up with her shit.

If it was me getting the beej, I would have told her to piss while blowing me, and then start shouting at the top of my lungs that she was pissing herself for everyone to hear.

[Shawn]

Originally Posted by Shauncore

What shitty material were you wearing that she was able to rip both your pants and shirt in half? But the image of you trying to explain why you got beat up by a girl while half naked is entertaining though.

Children of Bodom shirt from 2003 and a pair of Levi's.

[Shauncore]

Originally Posted by Shawn

Children of Bodom shirt from 2003 and a pair of Levi's.

And she still wanted to blow you?

[siegewar]

No woman can resist "tmew" being whispered into her ear.

[Sudden Intoxication]

i woulda raped her some girls are into that lol but she wanted it though

[ceddeeoo]

lol

The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 4 characters.

[Obswalq]

Originally Posted by siegewar

No woman can resist "tmew" being whispered into her ear.

pictured this actually happening and i'm loling so hard.

[Oleg]

Originally Posted by siegewar

No woman can resist "tmew" being whispered into her ear.

Shawn, you should've peed in her mouth while getting beej'd.

[preech]

All the guys helped me and all the girls threw beer bottles at me. The next day at Rad School High was wicked tense. You have no idea.




All of Shawn's chick stories follow all lifetime television for women premises.....

A weird sexual situation turns into a deadly game of cat and mouse. A woman scorned goes into a jealous rage. Someone escapes with their life..... On the next *Insert vagina flick here*

[Savior]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[teh Mazn]

fuckin steve FTW

[Oleg]

Pwnsauce, best use of autotune