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Old 05-17-2013, 11:08 AM   #1
Epidemic of Hate
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What is your idea of the perfect poop?

I took one this morning, and it was one of those ones where, when you go to wipe, there's nothing to even get. Just squeezed out a solid torpedo, pulled my pants up, and walked out.

What are your best pooping experiences?
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:37 AM   #2
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poop extra perfect (no need to wipe)

that's the best feeling ever. you should get awards for that
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:46 AM   #3
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ghost poos
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Old 05-17-2013, 11:51 AM   #4
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Usually when I splatter the back of the bowl and it stains because the waterflow can't reach the shit mark.
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:23 PM   #5
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Nah, I like big continuous poos.
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Old 05-17-2013, 01:18 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Epidemic of Hate View Post
I took one this morning, and it was one of those ones where, when you go to wipe, there's nothing to even get. Just squeezed out a solid torpedo, pulled my pants up, and walked out.

As one of the very worst threadstarters and shitposters on this board, its interesting to note that you seem to shit the same way you start threads. Very existential. Even more interesting - you also described how your mother gave birth to you. This could very well be the only worthwhile thread you have ever made, or worthwhile thing you will ever do. Congratulations!
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Old 05-17-2013, 05:05 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vadge View Post
As one of the very worst threadstarters and shitposters on this board, its interesting to note that you seem to shit the same way you start threads. Very existential. Even more interesting - you also described how your mother gave birth to you. This could very well be the only worthwhile thread you have ever made, or worthwhile thing you will ever do. Congratulations!
My prostate feels tingly from your words of praise. The elation I am now feeling is truly incapable of being adequately expressed through words. Perhaps you will allow me to hug your penis with my mouth?
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Old 05-17-2013, 05:32 PM   #8
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You guys ever push a turd out so thick that your butthole is numb after?
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Old 05-17-2013, 05:39 PM   #9
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You guys ever push a cock out so thick that your butthole is numb after?
No, but it sound painful. No wonder you're always so bitter and stupid on this forum; I would be too if I had to deal with that all the time.

Last edited by Epidemic of Hate; 05-17-2013 at 05:42 PM..
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:26 PM   #10
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one that is quick, and requires minimal wiping. i dont get how some people sit on the shitter for over 10 minutes, even close to a half hour while taking a dump.
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:40 PM   #11
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Large and clean, one solid piece. Little to no wiping required
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Old 05-17-2013, 10:16 PM   #12
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I want Justice from TUI to bang my ass.
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Old 05-18-2013, 02:52 AM   #13
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You know the one that just feels good, especially if you have an itch
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Old 05-18-2013, 10:18 AM   #14
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Nothing beats a ghost wipe, but what about those ones when you squeeze, think just a tiny bit has come out, take a look and the bowl's half full?

Also, dat feel when the S-bend steals your trophy
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Old 05-18-2013, 10:28 AM   #15
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Whenever I can empty the poop shoot with relative ease it's a good day.

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Old 05-18-2013, 03:43 PM   #16
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Wink

you stomach hurts.then you poop twice
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Old 05-18-2013, 03:58 PM   #17
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That feel when you're pushing the poop hard out your passage, then half-way down gravity takes over and then the bomb drops.
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Old 05-18-2013, 05:43 PM   #18
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I'm sorry, everytime you post I have to look up bubble butt porn.
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Old 05-19-2013, 02:34 PM   #19
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Quote:
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I have to look up porn.
With those charming ginger locks, your chiseled body, and those serenading pipes you got, it's a wonder that the ladies don't flock to you....
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Old 05-19-2013, 04:46 PM   #20
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What the fuck is a ginger lock?
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Old 05-19-2013, 06:53 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Durpentine View Post
What the fuck is a ginger lock?
Oh, I dunno.....


lock
Noun

A mechanism for keeping a door, lid, etc., fastened, typically operated by a particular key or combination.
A piece of a person's hair that coils or hangs together: "she pushed back a lock of hair".
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Old 05-19-2013, 09:59 PM   #22
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Then who the fuck are you talking to you dumbass faggot, i hven't had long hair in 4 years.
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Old 05-19-2013, 11:27 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GEEsu5 View Post
i dont get how some people sit on the shitter for over 10 minutes, even close to a half hour while taking a dump.
I love those moments when no one is home or no one else is in the bathroom (when in public) and you just let time take its course for the poop to fully exit your bottom cavity. In terms of pooping at home when you live with someone, the bathroom is the only room in the house where it's unacceptable to just open the door to say something. This is why it's so nice to take a shit and simply relax for however long (for me, it's usually 10-15 minutes) to reflect on whatever is bothering you. In a way, shitting is a form of meditation and should be taken seriously.
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Old 05-20-2013, 02:11 AM   #24
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My favorite kind of poop is when Durp posts. Messy, unfortunate, and (painfully) impossible not to notice.
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Old 05-20-2013, 11:19 AM   #25
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I had beans, rice, potato salad and watermelon for dinner last night. So yeah.

Oh yeah, did you go edge yet? Faggot?
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Old 05-20-2013, 12:14 PM   #26
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Best: after eating quinoa, falafel, or other assorted vegetables.
Worst: after eating a burrito with lots of beans.
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Old 05-20-2013, 12:15 PM   #27
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Quote:
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I had beans, rice, potato salad and watermelon for dinner last night. So yeah.

Oh yeah, did you go edge yet? Faggot?
Speaking of regrettable, clearly that little high school "phase" of mine fits into that category of descriptions. lol
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Old 05-20-2013, 12:18 PM   #28
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It's like, Flavor Flav's children came out of my asshole this morning (get it cause they were some really black turds).
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Old 05-20-2013, 08:17 PM   #29
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Those times when you go and unload what seems like a months debt of perfectly formed BSC Type 4 shit in an efficient yet objectively lengthy session. Followed by a satisfyingly quirky sense of vacuous hollow emptiness within your abdominal cavity – you lift your cheeks from the seat a changed man, straddle out slightly bow legged in the best way possible.

Also +1 on the tempered, introspective defecation described by Drip, and the gravitational synergy of ze emperor. Clean wipes are just a bonus. Oh, and plops without splash contact – it's like playing russian roulette with fluid mechanics.
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Old 05-20-2013, 08:55 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by discombobulation View Post
Those times when you go and unload what seems like a months debt of perfectly formed BSC Type 4 shit in an efficient yet objectively lengthy session. Followed by a satisfyingly quirky sense of vacuous hollow emptiness within your abdominal cavity – you lift your cheeks from the seat a changed man, straddle out slightly bow legged in the best way possible.

Also +1 on the tempered, introspective defecation described by Drip, and the gravitational synergy of ze emperor. Clean wipes are just a bonus. Oh, and plops without splash contact – it's like playing russian roulette with fluid mechanics.
Very philosophical. A+ post
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